Filipina Dating What matters Most?

Filipina waving at a trike

Young lady hailing a trike in the Philippines

Filipina dating is as unique as the people. To an outsider, it may even strike one as being ‘weird’ or ‘hard to understand’ but once you get into the minds and hearts of both the men and women in the relationship, you will better understand why things are the way they are.  The bottom line is what matters most.

The Filipina women value the opinions of her parents more than you can imagine. I know that in today’s modern world, it is ‘expected’ that adults decide from themselves without having to consult anyone. Everyone follows the “I did it my way” line of thinking wherein whatever anyone else thinks is of no importance. This is not true with Filipinas and dating.

Filipina men and women frankly base a lot of their perceptions of the man on what they hear from family and friends. Here’s an idea of how this works: man shows interest in woman, woman notifies (yes literally) her close friends and family about this new ‘suitor’. How far does this ‘notifying’ go you may ask? It really depends on the kind of girl she is. Generally speaking, ladies will let their close friends (2-3 or so) know all the details probably including all the text messages and conversations that have been had. In fact, if she happens to be with her girlfriends while Mr. Suitor is sending SMS’s, I won’t be surprised if she is dictating all the messages to her friends and if her friends are helping her out in replying.

Although it can’t be said that Filipino men are as ‘open’ as the ladies, one thing is sure-they do ask as many people as they can about the girl. “Do you know her?”, “What is she like?”, “Who is her Ex”…and the list goes on. Again, all the man’s friends will be fully aware who he is interested in and will have their eyes glued on her and report any ‘Intel’ they find that may be useful.

Simply put, the Westife song that goes “I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did…as long as you love me” does not apply to Filipino dating culture. I think the only way to explain it is both the men and women want to be taken seriously. They want to know what they are entering into before they give their hearts. The way things work in the movies (first date, first kiss viola-in a relationship) simply doesn’t happen in the Philippines. Perhaps this is why their relationships tend to last longer and are more serious. I know couples who have been girlfriends/boyfriends for 7 and even 10 years!

Trust-the core of every relationship cannot sprout overnight-it must be earned and this takes time. Filipino dating culture includes the ‘friends’ phase in which there is no commitment although you are dating exclusively. Both simply want to really get to know each other on a higher level and once commitment does happen-it normally is long term.

Am I implying that this makes Filipina dating perfect? No, All I’m saying is there are some things that we all can learn from the weightiness that is given to relationships in the Philippines. Off course, there are issues of disloyalty, distrust that lead to break-ups but the culture in general has a leaning towards honesty, trust and loyalty.

For some people, this culture may seem too restrictive and entering a relationship ‘too much work’ but to the Filipino, it is the safe road to take that ‘ideally’ would lead to a successful marriage – after all, divorce is ILLEGAL in the country so one better find the right mate.